If we were having coffee I would have to warn you that I’m not going to be the best company this week. Normally I’m an upbeat, ‘glass half full’ sort of person but this week I’m struggling to be cheerful.
“What’s up?” I hear you ask. Well, firstly Brexit and the subsequent fallout. I am British and passionately pro the EU. I’m really upset that the referendum result was Leave and angry about it on so many levels. I spent the weeks leading up to the referendum doing a lot of shouting at the TV as both sides in the campaign delivered lies and dubious statistics and have spent even more time since the result getting cross and frustrated at the debacle that has followed. But enough politics.
“What’s that you say? What else is weighing me down this week?” [ You’re being so kind, I do appreciate you asking! 🙂 ]. Let me copy below the update I posted on my Facebook page yesterday:-
“Some days it’s fine. Other days it’s tough, just really tough.
By 7:45 this morning I was battle worn and exhausted. I know that something unsettled my son yesterday and that his behaviour this morning is a result of him processing that, but I have to guess what that thing is as he can’t communicate it to me. In these situations, sometimes I can work it out and other times I’m clueless. Today I’m clueless. I have no option but to ride this one out.
As I sit here feeling sorry for myself, I’m painfully aware that whatever difficulties I’m dealing with, the struggles my child is facing are so much harder. And that’s the hardest thing of all to know.”
I think the first line of the post above says it all; some days it’s fine (most days really) but other days raising a child with autism is tough, tough in practical terms but mostly tough emotionally. That said, the same is true of raising any child. I was listening to a podcast this week which talked about how parenting has fundamentally changed in recent generations and how nowadays parents are very invested in the ‘happiness’ of their children. As parents, we have a tendency to feel that the sole responsibility for our children’s happiness in their future lives as adults depends on us doing all the ‘right’ things throughout their childhood years. When you have a child with autism, this responsibility feels that little bit bigger.
And… if we were still drinking coffee together, this would have turned into more of a sleepover by now since I started writing this post over 24 hours ago! That’s the thing with being a mother, some weekends it’s hard to find enough consecutive free minutes to write a whole post in one sitting.
The good news however is that since I first started writing this post my mood has changed considerably for the better. 🙂